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Blinding Envy

The days have flown by, but nothing particularly noteworthy has occurred thus far.

I have indeed worked to participate actively in several hunting trips, but due to several limiting factors, such as the lack of any special situations, as well as the fact that I have avoided confronting the more dangerous beasts, such as rabbits, all of these have been extremely easy to complete.

Going hand in hand with the barbarians on each outing, the only thing I did then was to join in a match of strength and speed, for when a prey presented itself in front of us, we all accelerated simultaneously to claim it.

Moreover, although it was possible for me to match their pace without being driven to the brink of fainting from exhaustion, it was still too difficult for me to be among the first to arrive. Therefore, when the confrontations occurred, my main task was to attack the beasts while it was being restrained by the others.

Of course, to declare that such battles were perfectly safe would be nothing more than a ridiculous lie. After all, no matter how distracted those animals may be becauseHence, on more than one occasion, I have had to dodge their claws and teeth by the skin of my teeth.

Not to mention, due to the urgency of the situation, I have even fallen on my buttocks to the ground in an unprotected and embarrassing pose, which made me easy to subjugate if not for the presence of adults. when brutally attacked, it is only natural for them to react aggressively against their aggressor.

A pitiful behavior, without a doubt.

Even then, thanks to such a savage method of fighting, I have managed to earn the honor of raising the heads of numerous prey, since depending on where I aim my blow, as well as the element I use to attack, be it my bare fist, a stake, or a sharp rock, slaying them is not as difficult as it should be if I were to do it alone.

Therefore, if my goal to achieve was to bear the glorious name of an accomplished hunter, it would have been reached long ago, leading to the end of my hardships and discomforts that torment me every night like nightmares.

Nevertheless, that is not the case.

It has been clear to me from the beginning that, by accompanying the hunting party, my safety has moved to the back burner, and even though I still prefer not to be seriously injured so that it does not affect my daily activities, my priority is the pursuit of an improvement in my skills.

Unfortunately, I have not been able to get as proficient as I wanted to, as these have stagnated.

‘Thank you for the comment. If you, who are always by my side, have seen that I am constantly getting strong, then it must be the right thing to do’

In reality, I could hardly say that I find myself in a bottomless pit from which it is impossible to escape since, little by little, I am climbing towards the exit. My training on the hill, accompanied by the hours I spend sitting and watching them fight, has served me well.

Yes, I have become more skilled and powerful, but not enough.

Although, from a rational point of view, which is not affected by negative emotions such as envy and fear, I can affirm that my rate of improvement is not slow at all. It is, in fact, merely ordinary.

‘Ordinary on par with the effort I put into it, but not compared to an average man, mind you’

Now, however… well, as expected of a bipedal animal, genetically modified to resemble a human but not being able to completely escape its wildness, since having a piece of delicious cake within my reach, my body urges me to grab it with my fingers tensed and eat it all in one bite.

That would be the appropriate way to describe what is happening to me currently.

Having clear examples present, which constantly show me the maximum potential my body can reach, but being this a power wasted by being possessed by stupid guys who can’t apply it correctly, it is too challenging for me to fulfill the mission of not annoying me.

It is really hard for me to overcome the desire to stand at the top of my race.

When I see them fighting each other, hitting each other so hard that the impacts sound like stone and metal clashing, plus moving so fast that, unless I am concentrating on them, I find it hard to follow their movements, I get angry.

My chest hurts when I recognize my weakness. I don’t even care that it is caused by the short time I have been living in these lands. Envy lashes me so violently as it drives me to commit suicidal follies.

I want that strength too. I want that speed too. I crave all that because I’m sure I can put them to better use. Besides, if I had them at my hand, they would then be the ones who would have to suffer at the sight of me.

They would bow to me and acknowledge me as their superior. Over the giant and the old man… no.

‘… You are right. I’m sorry. I got carried away by my emotions. You know well that initially, I didn’t think like that. Previously, my future perspective was entirely focused on escaping from this hellish place, but things have changed. My intention is still the same, but since my physique has grown stronger, so has the surge of hormones that enhance my more basic instincts’

Lately, during hunts, I have let desire take over, forgetting how important it is to keep a cool head. Moreover, such a way of acting has become harmful, and that is why I have not had any challenging fights since my encounter with the pregnant feline.

After all, having stopped formulating complicated plans while I exploited my advantage over the barbarians due to my racing thoughts, I have fallen into a crude savage competition against guys who are evidently still more powerful than me.

‘My friend, I can assure you that this took many hours of sleep from me, for the mere thought of my self disappearing to give birth to the soul of an ignorant beast disturbed me too much’

Fortunately, as the days have passed, I have noticed that this is partially caused by my lack of habit in the face of such a sudden change. Namely, in the beginning, it was more difficult for me to control myself than now. So as time progresses, I will return to the way I was before.

‘But… when will that be?’

That is a question I have recurrently asked myself because although I do not doubt that soon my condition will improve, I have also considered other factors that will eventually bind my feet, delaying my growth and endangering my life.

‘How could I ignore that when I get strengthened in the same way again, I will also fall back into a state of uncontrol?’

And while that wouldn’t be a concern if it would be solved by just waiting a bit, the problem lies in the fact that I could end up giving in to my savagery if it goes on too long. I could get carried away by what I felt in that instant, causing me to attack the barbarians without thinking about the consequences ahead.

‘Am I exaggerating? Are you saying I’m just exaggerating? Don’t be silly, please. I’m not exaggerating at all’

It is stupid to assume that a fight between a human against a beast and a confrontation between two beasts are the same. It would be too dangerous if, instead of fighting with a plan in mind, I do so relying on my capabilities, which are inferior to any opponent I face, except infants, clearly.

As if that were not enough, even if I managed to come out of such fights alive, my defeat and weakness would be engraved in the minds of the imbeciles. Therefore, I could never get the respect I deserve… I mean, I couldn’t get them to fear me, nor could I get them to stay out of my way at lunchtime.

‘… What did you say? I didn’t understand you. You mentioned something about food, didn’t you?… Ah! So, I said something like that. That makes sense. I certainly thought before that my only option was to fight them so I could eat my fill and give my body the energy it needs to finish growing, but in fact, there are other possibilities I hadn’t considered, such as feeding on raw meat’

As long as I set out to steal pieces of the carcasses before they were left in the cave, I would probably get enough in a couple of days to have a feast. Thus, the lack of food is no longer an excuse to hold me back but what comes after it.

‘This feels like a blade hanging on my neck, which, by taking a wrong step, the rope holding it can be cut’

That is a threat I am not willing to bear. That is why I have decided to fight against the barbarians as soon as I recover my mental faculties to the maximum since it is then that I will be in better condition.

To do so, I will have to avoid being wounded in the hunts, for I cannot afford to become weakened. No, as I need to be brutal and unstoppable. I have to win an overwhelming victory that will prove my superiority, and so…

Live in an imperfect world in search of perfection

Live in an imperfect world in search of perfection

Status: Ongoing Type: Author: Native Language: English
We all have something we wish for. Innocent dreams or dark desires, many of which are best kept that way. After all, the dream of all life obtained in the wrong way, from one moment to the next, can turn into unbearable torture. Kyle is an ordinary guy who, for years, wanted to live in a fantasy. He longed to experience those mythical stories that books told him. He dreamed of a new life where he would magically not repeat his mistakes. Where the money he would rain down from heaven. Where he could get plenty of women. Where his deeds would be sung as mythical legends by bards in bars and street corners. Petetic and silly. His dream was madness beyond this world. But unexpectedly, he got what he asked for, but not what he wanted. He was born with nothing; he lost everything. Months full of fear, anger, and despair, to then enter a strange world. Inside an abnormal body accompanied by voracious monsters that would tear him to pieces at the slightest carelessness.


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not work with dark mode