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One Step at a Time

The documentaries I used to watch when I was young on television were correct in saying that the human being is the one who possesses the highest degree of adaptation in the entire animal kingdom.

After all, even I, someone who apparently cannot act without hesitation, thought, and fear, opened my eyes immediately upon awakening.

Well, although I didn’t do it on purpose. It happened that way because of the instinctual movement of this body that I couldn’t stop.

Anyway, that is irrelevant for now. The important thing is that I can finally see the marvelous sights again with my own eyes… or rather, I will finally be able to do so, in the future, later, when I get out of here…

There is nothing beautiful here.

Depressing, worrying, frightening, and many other negative adjectives are the ones I can use to describe this place. However, leaving aside the emotions that this generates in me and being more objective, the only thing that my eyes can see is a cave full of complete darkness and… nothing else.

Not having become accustomed to this body, I can’t even move my head in another direction to stop looking at the ceiling, and although the walls of the place are partially visible to me when I turn my eyes, that’s all I can do.

At least, not everything about this issue is wrong, as my eyes have proven to be very high-end.

Despite the lack of light in this place, I can observe in detail the rocks hanging from the ceiling, from the small cracks that cross them to their irregular reliefs.

A superhuman power that I suppose originated due to the extreme torment I had to go through just when I possessed this body.

Good, very good. However, if I had the choice between this improvement or an ordinary life without suffering the pain I have endured, I would have taken the latter option countless times.

It was really a stroke of luck to have acted thanks to somnambulism, for if I had not opened my eyes in that way, I would probably have hesitated a lot between doing so or not. After all, the fear of having to suffer again would be terrible.

… wait… right, Tinny.

Wow, come to think of it, this all feels surreal, so unexpected.

Hahaha… laughing is the only thing I can do because… Hell, I don’t know. Yes, I felt awful about what he was going through and even felt guilty even though none of it had anything to do with me, so, following that logic, now that I’ve possessed his body after his death, I should be feeling worse. The guilt should be killing me. However, that is not the case.

I’m sorry, Tinny. I’m really sorry. I won’t be able to give you a proper funeral. I couldn’t even say goodbye to you or feel your death. On the contrary, I feel happier than worried about all this, so, at least, the only thing I can give you is that I will try to live a good and long life for both of us.

Well, it may have been unnecessary to think of the above, but it should at least be of some consolation to remove any remaining guilt in me. After all, my life motto is that worrying about impossible-to-solve problems is just a big waste of time.

So, what is it that I should do next? It must be something that I should be able to do even though I can’t move freely and something that I don’t consider a waste of time.

… I give up. I can’t take it anymore. Besides, I think I’ve done enough. To go on holding on any longer like this, with my nose itching and my eyes threatening to close, is nothing more than silly and useless self-inflicted torture.

I have felt enough. I enjoyed the comfort Tinny’s crib offered me, watched the little and sparse drops of water slide down rocks attached to the ceiling, thought, remembered, and apologized. I did so many things, too many compared to what was once possible for me, so now I am sure. This is not a dream, an allusion, or a gross stage of denial and madness.

Yes, I may have been mistaken in thinking that I was finally reincarnated. Maybe I died at that moment, or perhaps I have always been dead. However, even if I don’t know if this is heaven, hell, or something else, I don’t care, not now.

I, in these moments, in these instants, only feel so happy.

”Wah-Wah; Wah-Wah; Wah-Wah…”

Yes! Yes! Kyle, you’re incredible. You’re great. No one compares to you, Williams. You have overcome everything, darkness, despair, loneliness, death, and pain. You conquered it all. You accomplished it all.

Rejoice!

”Wah-Wah; Wah-Wah; Wah-Wah…”

Goddamn it! Fuck! Shit! Fucking bastard. I curse with all my heart the being that brought me to this damned place.

How many times did I want to scream, cry, and roll on the floor?

Countless, infinite times, I wanted to do it.

Of course, no matter how much I created a fictitious entity to accompany me, loneliness hurt me. I wished for it so hard, wanted it so badly, and begged for the slightest comfort but never got it.

I wanted to be saved. I wanted someone to hear my cries and give me back the life I had lost or at least put an end to my suffering.

”Wah-Wah; Wah-Wah; Wah-Wah…”

”Wah-Wah; Wah-Wah; Wah-Wah…”

Arms, legs, head, and torso. I have everything. I feel everything. Everything is with me again.

What if I can’t move them the way I want? What if I can’t get up from here? None of that matters. After all, it’s enough for me to be able to cry, scream, see, smell, and feel.

I am so happy. Happy like I’ve never been before.

Worry about the future that awaits me? No, of course not. All I need to do is cry. I must replace the tears that did not manage to come out in that emptiness.

”Wah-Wah; Wah-Wah; Wah-Wah…”

”Wah-Wah; Wah-Wah; Wah-Wah…”

I am free! I am free at last!

. . . . .

Embarrassing, embarrassing, so embarrassing. I even feel itchy skin due to embarrassment, but I can’t scratch it to calm it down.

To think that I, being a grown man of… wait, how old am I?

… no, I can’t remember. I’m in my late twenties or early thirties, maybe. I guess I forgot because I went too long without anyone congratulating me.

Anyway, it’s so humiliating that a man my age cried like a baby.  Sure, I have the body of one, but not the mind.

Although I can’t deny that crying until I fell unconscious was a pleasant and soothing experience. However, the biggest problem with it was that, because of me, the other babies also woke up, which caused my ‘birth’ to be greeted with terrible off-key singing.

Well, if I can’t change the past, I’d rather forget. So… it’s been a day since I started this life.

Of course, I have no method to measure the exact time. However, considering that the nannies have come to feed us on three occasions, I can assume that at least one day has passed since then.

About the food. I was lucky that it wasn’t breast milk. Sure, eating ground meat was also unpleasant, but at least that’s something I can handle.

As for them… wow, I was so surprised when I saw them for the first time.

That was until it was time for lunch, as they did not come earlier, even though we all cried for a long time, and when they did show up, they did so wearing clothes of a wide variety of colors, some even with expensive-looking embroidery and ornaments.

Apart from such clothing, they also brought the missing light in the room, which originated from strange lamps they carried on their waists. Unfortunately, because of the position in which they held me while feeding me, I could not see in detail the appearance of that thing.

In addition to the above, I could not see a single piece of jewelry or anything similar on their bodies. However, even without that, such garments were very different from the dirty, gray clothes I imagined them in.

Unexpected, but later, after resting comfortably with a full belly, I could mull it over clearly until I understood why they do it.

Long before I saw them in person, I had already imagined that this place could be a kind of laboratory, the nest of monsters, or the lair of bandits, but after learning that they did not wear the same uniform, I discarded the first option.

I discarded the second possibility even before, as otherwise, it would be strange that they would even be wearing any clothes.

So, by elimination, the third one should be the correct answer, which is the near-perfect choice since their manner of dressing becomes reasonable when considering that they do so by using part of the stolen goods.

However, after recalling the ordeal I went through, I finally concluded that both option one and three could be correct, this place being the laboratory of a madman who uses a band of bandits as henchmen.

It was partly good that I learned a little more about where I will be living from now on, but recognizing the harsh reality was also unsettling.

Nevertheless, it was no good sinking into worry, so I decided to concentrate on another matter until I grew up enough.

My mind thinks too quickly.

I had assumed this for some time. After all, it seemed strange that time passed so slowly in my state as a disembodied entity. Yet, I had attributed it to the theory of relativity or something like that. Besides, even when I just woke up, I didn’t notice it either, as there was nothing apart from a couple of drops on the ceiling moving in front of my eyes, so it wasn’t until the women entered the room that I realized it.

Slow, extremely slow. His movements made my eyes so uncomfortable that I had to close them for a few seconds to stop the coming headache.

At that moment, I understood. It is not that my body does not respond to me because it is rejecting my invading soul. No, I can’t move because my mind thinks several times faster than this can act.

Finding a way to control this is indispensable, as I don’t know how long my baby brain will be able to resist this way of looking at things. Besides, thinking fast can be an advantage, there’s no doubt about that, but as good as it is, it’s also bad since it means that every second will feel longer and duller.

I do not wish to go through an eternity again.

Unfortunately, that’s another thing that only time can solve that I can solve because even though I’ve thought about it for hours, no idea has come to me. Although, since I currently have so many things to worry about, I haven’t felt bored at all.

Another thing that worries me is that perhaps in this life, it will be impossible for me to get the harem of my dreams.

Ugly.

I saw them when we were lifted for lunch, which was partly the reason why I ignored some details about the girls, and that is, my little companions, who accompanied me in my singing recital, are so ugly that they are scary.

White as if the blood did not run through their bodies. No hair on their heads but in excess on their arms, legs, and eyebrows. Big eyes, noses, and ears, too big in comparison to their little heads, the latter of which were very different from those of the fantasy elves, for besides being long, they were also wide.

And let’s not talk about how many wrinkles they had on their faces, as they looked like old men in babies’ bodies. On the plus side, they also showed muscles and ripped abs, but while that would be nice to see on an athletic, manly body, on them, it looked so strange and wild. Lastly, although I couldn’t see this on them, I could feel it, and that was long, sharp teeth.

… Okay, I may have exaggerated more than I should have since, in fact, the sight wasn’t that terrible. Their appearances were comical and even slightly adorable, but… The future looks so gray and bleak.


Live in an imperfect world in search of perfection

Live in an imperfect world in search of perfection

LIW
Status: Ongoing Type: Author: Native Language: English
We all have something we wish for. Innocent dreams or dark desires, many of which are best kept that way. After all, the dream of all life obtained in the wrong way, from one moment to the next, can turn into unbearable torture. Kyle is an ordinary guy who, for years, wanted to live in a fantasy. He longed to experience those mythical stories that books told him. He dreamed of a new life where he would magically not repeat his mistakes. Where the money he would rain down from heaven. Where he could get plenty of women. Where his deeds would be sung as mythical legends by bards in bars and street corners. Petetic and silly. His dream was madness beyond this world. But unexpectedly, he got what he asked for, but not what he wanted. He was born with nothing; he lost everything. Months full of fear, anger, and despair, to then enter a strange world. Inside an abnormal body accompanied by voracious monsters that would tear him to pieces at the slightest carelessness.

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