Walking without clothes in the rain is one of the greatest pleasures you can experience in life, almost as good as playing under it with friends, or in my case, with cousins.
Unfortunately, it is impossible for me to do it here. I can’t because the massive rock blocking the entrance prevents me from doing so. However, thanks to the storm has become heavier, the amount of water seeping over the edges has increased, reaching a point where the jet splashes as it falls to the ground.
Therefore, I, who am sitting a short distance from it, in a way, can enjoy such a cold and wet sensation, which has helped me to calm down during these last days.
Yes, some of the listlessness is gone, but not completely.
Although I have managed to get out of the room where I spent long hours lying down, I have not yet dared to look for her. No, because the only thing that my heart has allowed me, after a burst of courage, is to continue with my daily walks, with the destination of coming here to listen to the wind crashing against the rocks of the hill and beating the branches of the trees.
I still lack the guts to overcome that blow, but little by little, I’m getting to feel better.
At the moment, I am sitting still with my head resting on my knees, but soon that will change, as I’ve decided that in a couple of days, I’ll begin to hover in the vicinity where she moves.
I cannot waste that much time. I cannot, for if I do, it may become too late to meet with her. I must not forget that if the storm ends, it will be difficult for me to stay here in the same way as I do now.
No matter how, I must find her to… apologize? Should I really look for her? I don’t know, but maybe it’s better not to. After all, on my own, without anyone’s help, I have been recovering from the mental shock. Besides, since she surely won’t understand my intentions, a new encounter between us wouldn’t have to happen.
”… forget it. I’ve been putting this decision off all this time, so a little more won’t do any harm”
This has been a worry that has plagued me ever since I gradually came to my senses. Ultimately, I know that she is not worth meeting with. However, I have not yet discarded her figure as a rope or pillar that supports my mental stability, nor do I think I can, at least not as long as I continue to live here.
I think it’s not good for both of us, but at the same time, I believe it’s something I need to do.
”Forget it. Don’t think about it. Ignore all worries”
Shaking my head from side to side, I forced myself to erase such thoughts from my mind, but realizing that this was not enough, I decided to use the wall behind me for support as I stuck my back to it to get up from the floor where I was sitting.
As I stood up, I noticed that my buttocks were muddy, so I moved them closer to the rock so the water sliding over it would clean them. Once I felt all traces of dirt disappear, I began walking deeper into the cave.
”It’s still too early for lunchtime, but I think a short nap will be enough to make time”
My stomach was growling, but that was something I had become accustomed to since, due to the long duration of this storm, apparently, the stored provisions have started to run low, so the portions served by the cooks have become smaller than before.
Now, regarding the rain, I will not deny that it is strange that it lasts so long without stopping. However, considering all the other oddities I’ve seen during my stay here, it doesn’t seem inconceivable to me that it would last a month or two. Not that I’m happy about it, though…
Anyway, it doesn’t matter how much this bothers me, as it won’t go away no matter how much I want it to. So, all that remains is to adapt to it, just as I have done with other realities of this world.
Once my thoughts reached that point, I stopped forcing myself to think about other things. I just let my mind go blank as, with my head down, I watched my feet move. So it went until, after a couple of minutes of walking, I reached the room where the others of my kind lay.
Seeing them sleeping so peacefully, I hesitated about my course of action.
For a few moments, the idea occurred to me to enter without measuring my steps, without worrying about who or how many people I would wake up with the noises I made. A treacherous curiosity added to the lack of interest I had to keep this life led me to want to live new experiences moderately suicidal.
However, that glimmer of sanity that still remained within me stopped me from doing so. So, with slight reluctance, I moved to an empty spot in the corner of the room, tiptoeing and avoiding stepping on these lazy idiots.
When I was about to reach my destination, I watched one of the nearby men stretch one of his legs to the place I was aiming at, so I was about to give him a severe kick to the chest to push him away, but again, the rational thoughts led me to take a passive attitude.
Thus, I gently moved it to one side as I silently sat down, leaning against the crossover of the walls. The space was narrow, not large enough to allow me to lie down at my leisure, but since this was the only place available, I had to put up with it.
Despite my discomfort, I closed my eyes, trying to sleep. It wasn’t easy since my wet body shivered from the cold that ran through the place. However, after emptying my head of thoughts and performing a breathing exercise I had once seen on the internet, the famous four, seven, and eight, I managed to do it, even if only partially.
I did not fall into a deep sleep but into a somnambulism in which I was semi-conscious of my surroundings, feeling on my back the hardness of the wall, but with my mind falling into a strange dream.
Perhaps caused by guilt, as well as by the accumulation of so many bad experiences, I had a nightmare.
In it, I saw myself in the third person. Not my current self, but the one from my past life. The tall but overweight guy I once was. Also, that me wasn’t standing still like a statue. He was moving. He walked in a place I am familiar with.
With clumsy, heavy steps, he was moving along the dark corridor. Why was he doing that? Where was he going? How did he get here? None of that I questioned, for like a spectator in a movie theater, I thoughtlessly watched him perform.
Up to that point, everything was fine. After all, the time inside the dream did not affect me, so his wandering that seemed to last weeks or months, I also felt it passed in an instant. Suddenly, however, things began to change, for I heard high-pitched screams and dozens of hurried footsteps in the distance.
Women were running away, desperate for something or someone. From whom? From me. That was something I naturally sensed.
Unlike my fat and silent self, I could not see them, but I could hear their voices. Close, closer and closer to me, despite his slow walk. They were unable to escape, no matter how hard they tried, for that which threatened them so much, that which they feared so much, was approaching them unceasingly.
Then, after a few moments, the inevitable happened.
The first one was reached, and to my surprise, she was someone I knew very well. She was the young woman I was looking to meet in the reality, who, as she hurriedly ran, tripped over a tree root, and ended up falling on the muddy ground, injuring her calf in the process.
With her in front of him, the screams of the others slowly drifted away, but this did not bring silence, for their voices were replaced by the baby cry that emerged from the mouth of the one on the floor who looked at him fiercely.
Slowly, he moved forward, and although I did not know her face, in a foreign one, created by my unconscious, I could see the fear reflected.
She was afraid, yes. However, I also noticed in her a hint of hatred and disgust.
Just as I was about to put his hand on his head, something occurred that broke my dream.
A loud bang woke me up, and not only me but everyone in the room.
While I was stunned, thinking about that dream I had almost completely forgotten, the others next to me, angry, prepared to attack the guy who ruined their sleep.
However, before they could do so, they were stopped in their tracks, for they belatedly realized that the one they intended to fight, although he was not wearing his characteristic armor, was someone who could easily overpower them.
He was the giant, his boss, and my greatest enemy, who, with an unusually flustered look, came to us to urge us to get up.