Ch. 15: Chapter 11

Chapter 11

“It is with considerable difficulty that I remember the original era of

my being; all the events of that period appear confused and indistinct.

A strange multiplicity of sensations seized me, and I saw, felt, heard,

and smelt at the same time; and it was, indeed, a long time before I

learned to distinguish between the operations of my various senses. By

degrees, I remember, a stronger light pressed upon my nerves, so that I

was obliged to shut my eyes. Darkness then came over me and troubled

me, but hardly had I felt this when, by opening my eyes, as I now

suppose, the light poured in upon me again. I walked and, I believe,

descended, but I presently found a great alteration in my sensations.

Before, dark and opaque bodies had surrounded me, impervious to my

touch or sight; but I now found that I could wander on at liberty, with

no obstacles which I could not either surmount or avoid. The light

became more and more oppressive to me, and the heat wearying me as I

walked, I sought a place where I could receive shade. This was the

forest near Ingolstadt; and here I lay by the side of a brook resting

from my fatigue, until I felt tormented by hunger and thirst. This

roused me from my nearly dormant state, and I ate some berries which I

found hanging on the trees or lying on the ground. I slaked my thirst

at the brook, and then lying down, was overcome by sleep.

“It was dark when I awoke; I felt cold also, and half frightened, as it

were, instinctively, finding myself so desolate. Before I had quitted

your apartment, on a sensation of cold, I had covered myself with some

clothes, but these were insufficient to secure me from the dews of

night. I was a poor, helpless, miserable wretch; I knew, and could

distinguish, nothing; but feeling pain invade me on all sides, I sat

down and wept.

“Soon a gentle light stole over the heavens and gave me a sensation of

pleasure. I started up and beheld a radiant form rise from among the

trees. [The moon] I gazed with a kind of wonder. It moved slowly,

but it enlightened my path, and I again went out in search of berries.

I was still cold when under one of the trees I found a huge cloak, with

which I covered myself, and sat down upon the ground. No distinct

ideas occupied my mind; all was confused. I felt light, and hunger,

and thirst, and darkness; innumerable sounds rang in my ears, and on

all sides various scents saluted me; the only object that I could

distinguish was the bright moon, and I fixed my eyes on that with

pleasure.

“Several changes of day and night passed, and the orb of night had

greatly lessened, when I began to distinguish my sensations from each

other. I gradually saw plainly the clear stream that supplied me with

drink and the trees that shaded me with their foliage. I was delighted

when I first discovered that a pleasant sound, which often saluted my

ears, proceeded from the throats of the little winged animals who had

often intercepted the light from my eyes. I began also to observe,

with greater accuracy, the forms that surrounded me and to perceive the

boundaries of the radiant roof of light which canopied me. Sometimes I

tried to imitate the pleasant songs of the birds but was unable.

Sometimes I wished to express my sensations in my own mode, but the

uncouth and inarticulate sounds which broke from me frightened me into

silence again.

“The moon had disappeared from the night, and again, with a lessened

form, showed itself, while I still remained in the forest. My

sensations had by this time become distinct, and my mind received every

day additional ideas. My eyes became accustomed to the light and to

perceive objects in their right forms; I distinguished the insect from

the herb, and by degrees, one herb from another. I found that the

sparrow uttered none but harsh notes, whilst those of the blackbird and

thrush were sweet and enticing.

“One day, when I was oppressed by cold, I found a fire which had been

left by some wandering beggars, and was overcome with delight at the

warmth I experienced from it. In my joy I thrust my hand into the live

embers, but quickly drew it out again with a cry of pain. How strange,

I thought, that the same cause should produce such opposite effects! I

examined the materials of the fire, and to my joy found it to be

composed of wood. I quickly collected some branches, but they were wet

and would not burn. I was pained at this and sat still watching the

operation of the fire. The wet wood which I had placed near the heat

dried and itself became inflamed. I reflected on this, and by touching

the various branches, I discovered the cause and busied myself in

collecting a great quantity of wood, that I might dry it and have a

plentiful supply of fire. When night came on and brought sleep with

it, I was in the greatest fear lest my fire should be extinguished. I

covered it carefully with dry wood and leaves and placed wet branches

upon it; and then, spreading my cloak, I lay on the ground and sank

into sleep.

“It was morning when I awoke, and my first care was to visit the fire.

I uncovered it, and a gentle breeze quickly fanned it into a flame. I

observed this also and contrived a fan of branches, which roused the

embers when they were nearly extinguished. When night came again I

found, with pleasure, that the fire gave light as well as heat and that

the discovery of this element was useful to me in my food, for I found

some of the offals that the travellers had left had been roasted, and

tasted much more savoury than the berries I gathered from the trees. I

tried, therefore, to dress my food in the same manner, placing it on

the live embers. I found that the berries were spoiled by this

operation, and the nuts and roots much improved.

“Food, however, became scarce, and I often spent the whole day

searching in vain for a few acorns to assuage the pangs of hunger. When

I found this, I resolved to quit the place that I had hitherto

inhabited, to seek for one where the few wants I experienced would be

more easily satisfied. In this emigration I exceedingly lamented the

loss of the fire which I had obtained through accident and knew not how

to reproduce it. I gave several hours to the serious consideration of

this difficulty, but I was obliged to relinquish all attempt to supply

it, and wrapping myself up in my cloak, I struck across the wood

towards the setting sun. I passed three days in these rambles and at

length discovered the open country. A great fall of snow had taken

place the night before, and the fields were of one uniform white; the

appearance was disconsolate, and I found my feet chilled by the cold

damp substance that covered the ground.

“It was about seven in the morning, and I longed to obtain food and

shelter; at length I perceived a small hut, on a rising ground, which

had doubtless been built for the convenience of some shepherd. This

was a new sight to me, and I examined the structure with great

curiosity. Finding the door open, I entered. An old man sat in it,

near a fire, over which he was preparing his breakfast. He turned on

hearing a noise, and perceiving me, shrieked loudly, and quitting the

hut, ran across the fields with a speed of which his debilitated form

hardly appeared capable. His appearance, different from any I had ever

before seen, and his flight somewhat surprised me. But I was enchanted

by the appearance of the hut; here the snow and rain could not

penetrate; the ground was dry; and it presented to me then as exquisite

and divine a retreat as Pandæmonium appeared to the dæmons of hell

after their sufferings in the lake of fire. I greedily devoured the

remnants of the shepherd’s breakfast, which consisted of bread, cheese,

milk, and wine; the latter, however, I did not like. Then, overcome by

fatigue, I lay down among some straw and fell asleep.

“It was noon when I awoke, and allured by the warmth of the sun, which

shone brightly on the white ground, I determined to recommence my

travels; and, depositing the remains of the peasant’s breakfast in a

wallet I found, I proceeded across the fields for several hours, until

at sunset I arrived at a village. How miraculous did this appear! The

huts, the neater cottages, and stately houses engaged my admiration by

turns. The vegetables in the gardens, the milk and cheese that I saw

placed at the windows of some of the cottages, allured my appetite. One

of the best of these I entered, but I had hardly placed my foot within

the door before the children shrieked, and one of the women fainted.

The whole village was roused; some fled, some attacked me, until,

grievously bruised by stones and many other kinds of missile weapons, I

escaped to the open country and fearfully took refuge in a low hovel,

quite bare, and making a wretched appearance after the palaces I had

beheld in the village. This hovel however, joined a cottage of a neat

and pleasant appearance, but after my late dearly bought experience, I

dared not enter it. My place of refuge was constructed of wood, but so

low that I could with difficulty sit upright in it. No wood, however,

was placed on the earth, which formed the floor, but it was dry; and

although the wind entered it by innumerable chinks, I found it an

agreeable asylum from the snow and rain.

“Here, then, I retreated and lay down happy to have found a shelter,

however miserable, from the inclemency of the season, and still more

from the barbarity of man. As soon as morning dawned I crept from my

kennel, that I might view the adjacent cottage and discover if I could

remain in the habitation I had found. It was situated against the back

of the cottage and surrounded on the sides which were exposed by a pig

sty and a clear pool of water. One part was open, and by that I had

crept in; but now I covered every crevice by which I might be perceived

with stones and wood, yet in such a manner that I might move them on

occasion to pass out; all the light I enjoyed came through the sty, and

that was sufficient for me.

“Having thus arranged my dwelling and carpeted it with clean straw, I

retired, for I saw the figure of a man at a distance, and I remembered

too well my treatment the night before to trust myself in his power. I

had first, however, provided for my sustenance for that day by a loaf

of coarse bread, which I purloined, and a cup with which I could drink

more conveniently than from my hand of the pure water which flowed by

my retreat. The floor was a little raised, so that it was kept

perfectly dry, and by its vicinity to the chimney of the cottage it was

tolerably warm.

“Being thus provided, I resolved to reside in this hovel until

something should occur which might alter my determination. It was

indeed a paradise compared to the bleak forest, my former residence,

the rain-dropping branches, and dank earth. I ate my breakfast with

pleasure and was about to remove a plank to procure myself a little

water when I heard a step, and looking through a small chink, I beheld

a young creature, with a pail on her head, passing before my hovel. The

girl was young and of gentle demeanour, unlike what I have since found

cottagers and farmhouse servants to be. Yet she was meanly dressed, a

coarse blue petticoat and a linen jacket being her only garb; her fair

hair was plaited but not adorned: she looked patient yet sad. I lost

sight of her, and in about a quarter of an hour she returned bearing

the pail, which was now partly filled with milk. As she walked along,

seemingly incommoded by the burden, a young man met her, whose

countenance expressed a deeper despondence. Uttering a few sounds with

an air of melancholy, he took the pail from her head and bore it to the

cottage himself. She followed, and they disappeared. Presently I saw

the young man again, with some tools in his hand, cross the field

behind the cottage; and the girl was also busied, sometimes in the

house and sometimes in the yard.

“On examining my dwelling, I found that one of the windows of the

cottage had formerly occupied a part of it, but the panes had been

filled up with wood. In one of these was a small and almost

imperceptible chink through which the eye could just penetrate.

Through this crevice a small room was visible, whitewashed and clean

but very bare of furniture. In one corner, near a small fire, sat an

old man, leaning his head on his hands in a disconsolate attitude. The

young girl was occupied in arranging the cottage; but presently she

took something out of a drawer, which employed her hands, and she sat

down beside the old man, who, taking up an instrument, began to play

and to produce sounds sweeter than the voice of the thrush or the

nightingale. It was a lovely sight, even to me, poor wretch who had

never beheld aught beautiful before. The silver hair and benevolent

countenance of the aged cottager won my reverence, while the gentle

manners of the girl enticed my love. He played a sweet mournful air

which I perceived drew tears from the eyes of his amiable companion, of

which the old man took no notice, until she sobbed audibly; he then

pronounced a few sounds, and the fair creature, leaving her work, knelt

at his feet. He raised her and smiled with such kindness and affection

that I felt sensations of a peculiar and overpowering nature; they were

a mixture of pain and pleasure, such as I had never before experienced,

either from hunger or cold, warmth or food; and I withdrew from the

window, unable to bear these emotions.

“Soon after this the young man returned, bearing on his shoulders a

load of wood. The girl met him at the door, helped to relieve him of

his burden, and taking some of the fuel into the cottage, placed it on

the fire; then she and the youth went apart into a nook of the cottage,

and he showed her a large loaf and a piece of cheese. She seemed

pleased and went into the garden for some roots and plants, which she

placed in water, and then upon the fire. She afterwards continued her

work, whilst the young man went into the garden and appeared busily

employed in digging and pulling up roots. After he had been employed

thus about an hour, the young woman joined him and they entered the

cottage together.

“The old man had, in the meantime, been pensive, but on the appearance

of his companions he assumed a more cheerful air, and they sat down to

eat. The meal was quickly dispatched. The young woman was again

occupied in arranging the cottage, the old man walked before the

cottage in the sun for a few minutes, leaning on the arm of the youth.

Nothing could exceed in beauty the contrast between these two excellent

creatures. One was old, with silver hairs and a countenance beaming

with benevolence and love; the younger was slight and graceful in his

figure, and his features were moulded with the finest symmetry, yet his

eyes and attitude expressed the utmost sadness and despondency. The

old man returned to the cottage, and the youth, with tools different

from those he had used in the morning, directed his steps across the

fields.

“Night quickly shut in, but to my extreme wonder, I found that the

cottagers had a means of prolonging light by the use of tapers, and was

delighted to find that the setting of the sun did not put an end to the

pleasure I experienced in watching my human neighbours. In the evening

the young girl and her companion were employed in various occupations

which I did not understand; and the old man again took up the

instrument which produced the divine sounds that had enchanted me in

the morning. So soon as he had finished, the youth began, not to play,

but to utter sounds that were monotonous, and neither resembling the

harmony of the old man’s instrument nor the songs of the birds; I since

found that he read aloud, but at that time I knew nothing of the

science of words or letters.

“The family, after having been thus occupied for a short time,

extinguished their lights and retired, as I conjectured, to rest.”