Chapter 20.00: Chapter vii. — A short sketch of that felicity which prudent couples may extract from hatred: with a short apology for those people who overlook imperfections in their friends.

**
Chapter vii. — A short sketch of that felicity which prudent couples
may extract from hatred: with a short apology for those people who
overlook imperfections in their friends.
**

Though the captain had effectually demolished poor Partridge, yet had he
not reaped the harvest he hoped for, which was to turn the foundling out
of Mr Allworthy's house.

On the contrary, that gentleman grew every day fonder of little Tommy, as
if he intended to counterbalance his severity to the father with
extraordinary fondness and affection towards the son.

This a good deal soured the captain's temper, as did all the other daily
instances of Mr Allworthy's generosity; for he looked on all such
largesses to be diminutions of his own wealth.

In this, we have said, he did not agree with his wife; nor, indeed, in
anything else: for though an affection placed on the understanding is, by
many wise persons, thought more durable than that which is founded on
beauty, yet it happened otherwise in the present case. Nay, the
understandings of this couple were their principal bone of contention, and
one great cause of many quarrels, which from time to time arose between
them; and which at last ended, on the side of the lady, in a sovereign
contempt for her husband; and on the husband's, in an utter abhorrence of
his wife.

As these had both exercised their talents chiefly in the study of
divinity, this was, from their first acquaintance, the most common topic
of conversation between them. The captain, like a well-bred man, had,
before marriage, always given up his opinion to that of the lady; and
this, not in the clumsy awkward manner of a conceited blockhead, who,
while he civilly yields to a superior in an argument, is desirous of being
still known to think himself in the right. The captain, on the contrary,
though one of the proudest fellows in the world, so absolutely yielded the
victory to his antagonist, that she, who had not the least doubt of his
sincerity, retired always from the dispute with an admiration of her own
understanding and a love for his.

But though this complacence to one whom the captain thoroughly despised,
was not so uneasy to him as it would have been had any hopes of preferment
made it necessary to show the same submission to a Hoadley, or to some
other of great reputation in the science, yet even this cost him too much
to be endured without some motive. Matrimony, therefore, having removed
all such motives, he grew weary of this condescension, and began to treat
the opinions of his wife with that haughtiness and insolence, which none
but those who deserve some contempt themselves can bestow, and those only
who deserve no contempt can bear.

When the first torrent of tenderness was over, and when, in the calm and
long interval between the fits, reason began to open the eyes of the lady,
and she saw this alteration of behaviour in the captain, who at length
answered all her arguments only with pish and pshaw, she was far from
enduring the indignity with a tame submission. Indeed, it at first so
highly provoked her, that it might have produced some tragical event, had
it not taken a more harmless turn, by filling her with the utmost contempt
for her husband's understanding, which somewhat qualified her hatred
towards him; though of this likewise she had a pretty moderate share.

The captain's hatred to her was of a purer kind: for as to any
imperfections in her knowledge or understanding, he no more despised her
for them, than for her not being six feet high. In his opinion of the
female sex, he exceeded the moroseness of Aristotle himself: he looked on
a woman as on an animal of domestic use, of somewhat higher consideration
than a cat, since her offices were of rather more importance; but the
difference between these two was, in his estimation, so small, that, in
his marriage contracted with Mr Allworthy's lands and tenements, it would
have been pretty equal which of them he had taken into the bargain. And
yet so tender was his pride, that it felt the contempt which his wife now
began to express towards him; and this, added to the surfeit he had before
taken of her love, created in him a degree of disgust and abhorrence,
perhaps hardly to be exceeded.

One situation only of the married state is excluded from pleasure: and
that is, a state of indifference: but as many of my readers, I hope, know
what an exquisite delight there is in conveying pleasure to a beloved
object, so some few, I am afraid, may have experienced the satisfaction of
tormenting one we hate. It is, I apprehend, to come at this latter
pleasure, that we see both sexes often give up that ease in marriage which
they might otherwise possess, though their mate was never so disagreeable
to them. Hence the wife often puts on fits of love and jealousy, nay, even
denies herself any pleasure, to disturb and prevent those of her husband;
and he again, in return, puts frequent restraints on himself, and stays at
home in company which he dislikes, in order to confine his wife to what
she equally detests. Hence, too, must flow those tears which a widow
sometimes so plentifully sheds over the ashes of a husband with whom she
led a life of constant disquiet and turbulency, and whom now she can never
hope to torment any more.

But if ever any couple enjoyed this pleasure, it was at present
experienced by the captain and his lady. It was always a sufficient reason
to either of them to be obstinate in any opinion, that the other had
previously asserted the contrary. If the one proposed any amusement, the
other constantly objected to it: they never loved or hated, commended or
abused, the same person. And for this reason, as the captain looked with
an evil eye on the little foundling, his wife began now to caress it
almost equally with her own child.

The reader will be apt to conceive, that this behaviour between the
husband and wife did not greatly contribute to Mr Allworthy's repose, as
it tended so little to that serene happiness which he had designed for all
three from this alliance; but the truth is, though he might be a little
disappointed in his sanguine expectations, yet he was far from being
acquainted with the whole matter; for, as the captain was, from certain
obvious reasons, much on his guard before him, the lady was obliged, for
fear of her brother's displeasure, to pursue the same conduct. In fact, it
is possible for a third person to be very intimate, nay even to live long
in the same house, with a married couple, who have any tolerable
discretion, and not even guess at the sour sentiments which they bear to
each other: for though the whole day may be sometimes too short for
hatred, as well as for love; yet the many hours which they naturally spend
together, apart from all observers, furnish people of tolerable moderation
with such ample opportunity for the enjoyment of either passion, that, if
they love, they can support being a few hours in company without toying,
or if they hate, without spitting in each other's faces.

It is possible, however, that Mr Allworthy saw enough to render him a
little uneasy; for we are not always to conclude, that a wise man is not
hurt, because he doth not cry out and lament himself, like those of a
childish or effeminate temper. But indeed it is possible he might see some
faults in the captain without any uneasiness at all; for men of true
wisdom and goodness are contented to take persons and things as they are,
without complaining of their imperfections, or attempting to amend them.
They can see a fault in a friend, a relation, or an acquaintance, without
ever mentioning it to the parties themselves, or to any others; and this
often without lessening their affection. Indeed, unless great discernment
be tempered with this overlooking disposition, we ought never to contract
friendship but with a degree of folly which we can deceive; for I hope my
friends will pardon me when I declare, I know none of them without a
fault; and I should be sorry if I could imagine I had any friend who could
not see mine. Forgiveness of this kind we give and demand in turn. It is
an exercise of friendship, and perhaps none of the least pleasant. And
this forgiveness we must bestow, without desire of amendment. There is,
perhaps, no surer mark of folly, than an attempt to correct the natural
infirmities of those we love. The finest composition of human nature, as
well as the finest china, may have a flaw in it; and this, I am afraid, in
either case, is equally incurable; though, nevertheless, the pattern may
remain of the highest value.

Upon the whole, then, Mr Allworthy certainly saw some imperfections in the
captain; but as this was a very artful man, and eternally upon his guard
before him, these appeared to him no more than blemishes in a good
character, which his goodness made him overlook, and his wisdom prevented
him from discovering to the captain himself. Very different would have
been his sentiments had he discovered the whole; which perhaps would in
time have been the case, had the husband and wife long continued this kind
of behaviour to each other; but this kind Fortune took effectual means to
prevent, by forcing the captain to do that which rendered him again dear
to his wife, and restored all her tenderness and affection towards him.