Ch. 20: Chapter 16

Chapter 16

“Cursed, cursed creator! Why did I live? Why, in that instant, did I

not extinguish the spark of existence which you had so wantonly

bestowed? I know not; despair had not yet taken possession of me; my

feelings were those of rage and revenge. I could with pleasure have

destroyed the cottage and its inhabitants and have glutted myself with

their shrieks and misery.

“When night came I quitted my retreat and wandered in the wood; and

now, no longer restrained by the fear of discovery, I gave vent to my

anguish in fearful howlings. I was like a wild beast that had broken

the toils, destroying the objects that obstructed me and ranging

through the wood with a stag-like swiftness. Oh! What a miserable

night I passed! The cold stars shone in mockery, and the bare trees

waved their branches above me; now and then the sweet voice of a bird

burst forth amidst the universal stillness. All, save I, were at rest

or in enjoyment; I, like the arch-fiend, bore a hell within me, and

finding myself unsympathised with, wished to tear up the trees, spread

havoc and destruction around me, and then to have sat down and enjoyed

the ruin.

“But this was a luxury of sensation that could not endure; I became

fatigued with excess of bodily exertion and sank on the damp grass in

the sick impotence of despair. There was none among the myriads of men

that existed who would pity or assist me; and should I feel kindness

towards my enemies? No; from that moment I declared everlasting war

against the species, and more than all, against him who had formed me

and sent me forth to this insupportable misery.

“The sun rose; I heard the voices of men and knew that it was

impossible to return to my retreat during that day. Accordingly I hid

myself in some thick underwood, determining to devote the ensuing hours

to reflection on my situation.

“The pleasant sunshine and the pure air of day restored me to some

degree of tranquillity; and when I considered what had passed at the

cottage, I could not help believing that I had been too hasty in my

conclusions. I had certainly acted imprudently. It was apparent that

my conversation had interested the father in my behalf, and I was a

fool in having exposed my person to the horror of his children. I

ought to have familiarised the old De Lacey to me, and by degrees to

have discovered myself to the rest of his family, when they should have

been prepared for my approach. But I did not believe my errors to be

irretrievable, and after much consideration I resolved to return to the

cottage, seek the old man, and by my representations win him to my

party.

“These thoughts calmed me, and in the afternoon I sank into a profound

sleep; but the fever of my blood did not allow me to be visited by

peaceful dreams. The horrible scene of the preceding day was for ever

acting before my eyes; the females were flying and the enraged Felix

tearing me from his father’s feet. I awoke exhausted, and finding that

it was already night, I crept forth from my hiding-place, and went in

search of food.

“When my hunger was appeased, I directed my steps towards the

well-known path that conducted to the cottage. All there was at peace.

I crept into my hovel and remained in silent expectation of the

accustomed hour when the family arose. That hour passed, the sun

mounted high in the heavens, but the cottagers did not appear. I

trembled violently, apprehending some dreadful misfortune. The inside

of the cottage was dark, and I heard no motion; I cannot describe the

agony of this suspense.

“Presently two countrymen passed by, but pausing near the cottage, they

entered into conversation, using violent gesticulations; but I did not

understand what they said, as they spoke the language of the country,

which differed from that of my protectors. Soon after, however, Felix

approached with another man; I was surprised, as I knew that he had not

quitted the cottage that morning, and waited anxiously to discover from

his discourse the meaning of these unusual appearances.

“‘Do you consider,’ said his companion to him,

‘that you will be obliged to pay three months’ rent and to lose

the produce of your garden? I do not wish to take any unfair advantage, and

I beg therefore that you will take some days to consider of your

determination.’

“‘It is utterly useless,’ replied Felix; ‘we can

never again inhabit your cottage. The life of my father is in the greatest

danger, owing to the dreadful circumstance that I have related. My wife and

my sister will never recover from their horror. I entreat you not to reason

with me any more. Take possession of your tenement and let me fly from this

place.’

“Felix trembled violently as he said this. He and his companion

entered the cottage, in which they remained for a few minutes, and then

departed. I never saw any of the family of De Lacey more.

“I continued for the remainder of the day in my hovel in a state of

utter and stupid despair. My protectors had departed and had broken

the only link that held me to the world. For the first time the

feelings of revenge and hatred filled my bosom, and I did not strive to

control them, but allowing myself to be borne away by the stream, I

bent my mind towards injury and death. When I thought of my friends,

of the mild voice of De Lacey, the gentle eyes of Agatha, and the

exquisite beauty of the Arabian, these thoughts vanished and a gush of

tears somewhat soothed me. But again when I reflected that they had

spurned and deserted me, anger returned, a rage of anger, and unable to

injure anything human, I turned my fury towards inanimate objects. As

night advanced, I placed a variety of combustibles around the cottage,

and after having destroyed every vestige of cultivation in the garden,

I waited with forced impatience until the moon had sunk to commence my

operations.

“As the night advanced, a fierce wind arose from the woods and quickly

dispersed the clouds that had loitered in the heavens; the blast tore

along like a mighty avalanche and produced a kind of insanity in my

spirits that burst all bounds of reason and reflection. I lighted the

dry branch of a tree and danced with fury around the devoted cottage,

my eyes still fixed on the western horizon, the edge of which the moon

nearly touched. A part of its orb was at length hid, and I waved my

brand; it sank, and with a loud scream I fired the straw, and heath,

and bushes, which I had collected. The wind fanned the fire, and the

cottage was quickly enveloped by the flames, which clung to it and

licked it with their forked and destroying tongues.

“As soon as I was convinced that no assistance could save any part of

the habitation, I quitted the scene and sought for refuge in the woods.

“And now, with the world before me, whither should I bend my steps? I

resolved to fly far from the scene of my misfortunes; but to me, hated

and despised, every country must be equally horrible. At length the

thought of you crossed my mind. I learned from your papers that you

were my father, my creator; and to whom could I apply with more fitness

than to him who had given me life? Among the lessons that Felix had

bestowed upon Safie, geography had not been omitted; I had learned from

these the relative situations of the different countries of the earth.

You had mentioned Geneva as the name of your native town, and towards

this place I resolved to proceed.

“But how was I to direct myself? I knew that I must travel in a

southwesterly direction to reach my destination, but the sun was my

only guide. I did not know the names of the towns that I was to pass

through, nor could I ask information from a single human being; but I

did not despair. From you only could I hope for succour, although

towards you I felt no sentiment but that of hatred. Unfeeling,

heartless creator! You had endowed me with perceptions and passions

and then cast me abroad an object for the scorn and horror of mankind.

But on you only had I any claim for pity and redress, and from you I

determined to seek that justice which I vainly attempted to gain from

any other being that wore the human form.

“My travels were long and the sufferings I endured intense. It was

late in autumn when I quitted the district where I had so long resided.

I travelled only at night, fearful of encountering the visage of a

human being. Nature decayed around me, and the sun became heatless;

rain and snow poured around me; mighty rivers were frozen; the surface

of the earth was hard and chill, and bare, and I found no shelter. Oh,

earth! How often did I imprecate curses on the cause of my being! The

mildness of my nature had fled, and all within me was turned to gall

and bitterness. The nearer I approached to your habitation, the more

deeply did I feel the spirit of revenge enkindled in my heart. Snow

fell, and the waters were hardened, but I rested not. A few incidents

now and then directed me, and I possessed a map of the country; but I

often wandered wide from my path. The agony of my feelings allowed me

no respite; no incident occurred from which my rage and misery could

not extract its food; but a circumstance that happened when I arrived

on the confines of Switzerland, when the sun had recovered its warmth

and the earth again began to look green, confirmed in an especial

manner the bitterness and horror of my feelings.

“I generally rested during the day and travelled only when I was

secured by night from the view of man. One morning, however, finding

that my path lay through a deep wood, I ventured to continue my journey

after the sun had risen; the day, which was one of the first of spring,

cheered even me by the loveliness of its sunshine and the balminess of

the air. I felt emotions of gentleness and pleasure, that had long

appeared dead, revive within me. Half surprised by the novelty of

these sensations, I allowed myself to be borne away by them, and

forgetting my solitude and deformity, dared to be happy. Soft tears

again bedewed my cheeks, and I even raised my humid eyes with

thankfulness towards the blessed sun, which bestowed such joy upon me.

“I continued to wind among the paths of the wood, until I came to its

boundary, which was skirted by a deep and rapid river, into which many

of the trees bent their branches, now budding with the fresh spring.

Here I paused, not exactly knowing what path to pursue, when I heard

the sound of voices, that induced me to conceal myself under the shade

of a cypress. I was scarcely hid when a young girl came running

towards the spot where I was concealed, laughing, as if she ran from

someone in sport. She continued her course along the precipitous sides

of the river, when suddenly her foot slipped, and she fell into the

rapid stream. I rushed from my hiding-place and with extreme labour,

from the force of the current, saved her and dragged her to shore. She

was senseless, and I endeavoured by every means in my power to restore

animation, when I was suddenly interrupted by the approach of a rustic,

who was probably the person from whom she had playfully fled. On

seeing me, he darted towards me, and tearing the girl from my arms,

hastened towards the deeper parts of the wood. I followed speedily, I

hardly knew why; but when the man saw me draw near, he aimed a gun,

which he carried, at my body and fired. I sank to the ground, and my

injurer, with increased swiftness, escaped into the wood.

“This was then the reward of my benevolence! I had saved a human being

from destruction, and as a recompense I now writhed under the miserable

pain of a wound which shattered the flesh and bone. The feelings of

kindness and gentleness which I had entertained but a few moments

before gave place to hellish rage and gnashing of teeth. Inflamed by

pain, I vowed eternal hatred and vengeance to all mankind. But the

agony of my wound overcame me; my pulses paused, and I fainted.

“For some weeks I led a miserable life in the woods, endeavouring to

cure the wound which I had received. The ball had entered my shoulder,

and I knew not whether it had remained there or passed through; at any

rate I had no means of extracting it. My sufferings were augmented

also by the oppressive sense of the injustice and ingratitude of their

infliction. My daily vows rose for revenge—a deep and deadly revenge,

such as would alone compensate for the outrages and anguish I had

endured.

“After some weeks my wound healed, and I continued my journey. The

labours I endured were no longer to be alleviated by the bright sun or

gentle breezes of spring; all joy was but a mockery which insulted my

desolate state and made me feel more painfully that I was not made for

the enjoyment of pleasure.

“But my toils now drew near a close, and in two months from this time I

reached the environs of Geneva.

“It was evening when I arrived, and I retired to a hiding-place among

the fields that surround it to meditate in what manner I should apply

to you. I was oppressed by fatigue and hunger and far too unhappy to

enjoy the gentle breezes of evening or the prospect of the sun setting

behind the stupendous mountains of Jura.

“At this time a slight sleep relieved me from the pain of reflection,

which was disturbed by the approach of a beautiful child, who came

running into the recess I had chosen, with all the sportiveness of

infancy. Suddenly, as I gazed on him, an idea seized me that this

little creature was unprejudiced and had lived too short a time to have

imbibed a horror of deformity. If, therefore, I could seize him and

educate him as my companion and friend, I should not be so desolate in

this peopled earth.

“Urged by this impulse, I seized on the boy as he passed and drew him

towards me. As soon as he beheld my form, he placed his hands before

his eyes and uttered a shrill scream; I drew his hand forcibly from his

face and said, ‘Child, what is the meaning of this? I do not intend to

hurt you; listen to me.’

“He struggled violently. ‘Let me go,’ he cried;

‘monster! Ugly wretch! You wish to eat me and tear me to pieces. You

are an ogre. Let me go, or I will tell my papa.’

“‘Boy, you will never see your father again; you must come with me.’

“‘Hideous monster! Let me go. My papa is a syndic—he is M.

Frankenstein—he will punish you. You dare not keep me.’

“‘Frankenstein! You belong then to my enemy—to him towards whom I have

sworn eternal revenge; you shall be my first victim.’

“The child still struggled and loaded me with epithets which carried

despair to my heart; I grasped his throat to silence him, and in a

moment he lay dead at my feet.

“I gazed on my victim, and my heart swelled with exultation and hellish

triumph; clapping my hands, I exclaimed, ‘I too can create desolation;

my enemy is not invulnerable; this death will carry despair to him, and

a thousand other miseries shall torment and destroy him.’

“As I fixed my eyes on the child, I saw something glittering on his

breast. I took it; it was a portrait of a most lovely woman. In spite

of my malignity, it softened and attracted me. For a few moments I

gazed with delight on her dark eyes, fringed by deep lashes, and her

lovely lips; but presently my rage returned; I remembered that I was

for ever deprived of the delights that such beautiful creatures could

bestow and that she whose resemblance I contemplated would, in

regarding me, have changed that air of divine benignity to one

expressive of disgust and affright.

“Can you wonder that such thoughts transported me with rage? I only

wonder that at that moment, instead of venting my sensations in

exclamations and agony, I did not rush among mankind and perish in the

attempt to destroy them.

“While I was overcome by these feelings, I left the spot where I had

committed the murder, and seeking a more secluded hiding-place, I

entered a barn which had appeared to me to be empty. A woman was

sleeping on some straw; she was young, not indeed so beautiful as her

whose portrait I held, but of an agreeable aspect and blooming in the

loveliness of youth and health. Here, I thought, is one of those whose

joy-imparting smiles are bestowed on all but me. And then I bent over

her and whispered, ‘Awake, fairest, thy lover is near—he who would

give his life but to obtain one look of affection from thine eyes; my

beloved, awake!’

“The sleeper stirred; a thrill of terror ran through me. Should she

indeed awake, and see me, and curse me, and denounce the murderer? Thus

would she assuredly act if her darkened eyes opened and she beheld me.

The thought was madness; it stirred the fiend within me—not I, but

she, shall suffer; the murder I have committed because I am for ever

robbed of all that she could give me, she shall atone. The crime had

its source in her; be hers the punishment! Thanks to the lessons of

Felix and the sanguinary laws of man, I had learned now to work

mischief. I bent over her and placed the portrait securely in one of

the folds of her dress. She moved again, and I fled.

“For some days I haunted the spot where these scenes had taken place,

sometimes wishing to see you, sometimes resolved to quit the world and

its miseries for ever. At length I wandered towards these mountains,

and have ranged through their immense recesses, consumed by a burning

passion which you alone can gratify. We may not part until you have

promised to comply with my requisition. I am alone and miserable; man

will not associate with me; but one as deformed and horrible as myself

would not deny herself to me. My companion must be of the same species

and have the same defects. This being you must create.”