Chapter 13: You're Definitely Going to Regret This

“You actually came.”

“What… Did you just say?”

I raised both hands in apology as she glared daggers at me.

She must’ve run here—her shoulders rose and fell with each breath, and a fine sheen of sweat glistened on her forehead.

“… Is this it?”

Serina looked at the overturned bike as she spoke.

In the end, I’d tried to lift it back up on my own, but the tire was stuck deep in the mud, and I couldn’t get it upright.

I nodded in response and positioned myself where I could get the most leverage.

“Hold the tire on the other side.”

“Uh, like this?”

“Use your foot. Don’t pinch your fingers.”

We couldn’t use umbrellas.

So soon enough, Serina was soaked too, water dripping from her hair.

She’ll probably catch a cold, I thought as I glanced at her, and together we lifted the bike in sync.

What I couldn’t do alone, we managed together.

It was such a simple truth, but rediscovering it made me want to cry a little.

Careful not to let my muddy clothes touch her, I picked up the umbrella that had fallen and held it over Serina’s head.

She blinked, surprised, then took the umbrella from me, stepped closer, and shared half of it over my head too.

She sniffled softly, wet hair clinging to her cheeks as I looked up at her.

“Wanna take a bath?”

“Yeah. I’ll probably catch a cold before I even make it home.”

I handed her the key and let her head up to the apartment first, then wheeled the upright bike over to a corner of the lot and parked it. I ran my hand along the body to check for damage, then hurried after her.

My soaked shoes made sticky squelching sounds as I climbed the stairs.

When I stepped inside, I was enveloped by a wave of warm air.

Serina came running over and threw a towel over my head.

She had already changed out of her clothes into a pair of sweats.

“The bath’s heating up now.”

“Thanks.”

As usual, I stripped out of my wet clothes and down to my underwear, patting the water droplets from my skin with the towel. My bare feet slapped softly against the floor as I crossed the room to the dresser.

That’s when I felt it—a gaze. I looked up.

Our eyes met.

She looked away the instant I realized she’d been watching me.

Her cheeks were flushed red, and my lips curled into a small smile.

“You were looking, huh?”

I teased, and she shot me a sharp glare.

“The way you say that is so annoying.”

“But you were, weren’t you?”

“You’re the one who undressed out of nowhere, Saki.”

I laughed dryly and didn’t bother covering myself as I opened the dresser drawer.

Right then, the bath remote let out its chime, and Serina quickly passed behind me with a brisk, “I’ll be back.”

It’s not like I was trying to show off.

It just happened. I was off guard. It was… Involuntary.

I’d wanted to say sorry.

But instead of apologizing, I kept teasing her.

Lately, I’ve been doing that a lot.

Saying one thing, feeling another.

I pulled out some loungewear and sighed as I got dressed.

Nothing goes the way I want it to. Not my half-hearted relationship with Serina. Not what happened tonight—how I ended up using her feelings for my own comfort.

And definitely not the marriage meeting my mother forced on me. That left me feeling like someone had dropped a heavy stone in the pit of my stomach.

As a kid, I thought getting married and building a home like my parents did was just natural.

But that wasn’t how it worked. Just dating someone was already hard enough. I couldn’t imagine myself building a life with another person.

I boiled some water in the kettle and brewed a herbal tea I’d bought some time ago.

Blowing on the surface, I sipped slowly.

I never thought I’d find the phrase “working at city hall” appealing.

But now that I’m an adult, I get it. A stable job, a steady income—that’s what keeps you alive.

And yet, even though I should be able to provide for myself, I kept hoping someone else would help me.

I hated that part of me—deeply.

Serina came out of the bathroom, her head lowered, and I slipped in after her.

Sinking into the warm water, I felt my body relax with a long exhale.

I stretched my arms overhead, easing the stiffness from my shoulders.

When I came back to the room, Serina had set up the sofa bed.

“Thanks. But… Not tonight.”

I clicked off the light, and everything disappeared into darkness.

After keeping my eyes shut for a while, I slowly opened them. My vision adjusted to the dark and revealed Serina, frozen like she didn’t know what to do.

I pressed her shoulder gently and guided her toward the bed, then pushed her down onto it.

“Hey… Wanna do it?”

I lifted her shirt and peeled it off in one motion.

I didn’t have a reason—just a mood.

Reality was bitter, suffocating. I wanted to escape, even just for a moment.

I stripped off everything and straddled her hips.

When I leaned in to ask for a kiss, she wrapped an arm around my head and brushed her lips against mine.

Our kiss deepened, tongues entangled, breaths growing heavier.

I just knew—I would regret this later.

But even knowing that, my body wouldn’t stop. I welcomed Serina’s tongue with a kind of desperation.

If only I could let go and drift with the current.

Forget all the awkward invitations I didn’t want. All the self-preserving lies. All the exhausting detours. Even those small moments of kindness—let them all be drowned out by sensation, overwritten by pleasure.

Fingers, lips, hot breath roamed across my skin.

I didn’t look at Serina’s face. I didn’t want to.

Her tongue flicked gently against my nipple, drawing out a soft moan.

This is when I most feel like a woman.

I tangled my fingers in her hair and gasped—my voice high, fragile, unlike anything I’d ever made before. Responding to each touch, twisting beneath her, I couldn’t stop the warm release that trickled down my inner thighs.

But even then, my chest felt hollow, cold.

Some detached part of me looked down at my body with a chilling clarity, and I pretended not to notice.

A deep ache burned in my hips, and I craved something—anything—to fill it.

I reached out with one hand, searching for something on Serina… But no matter how I searched, I couldn’t find what I needed.

“… Saki, do you even know who you’re doing this with right now?”

Her calm voice snapped me back to reality.

That dry, emotionless sound struck like a slap to the face.

She shoved me down, forced her knee between my thighs.

The pressure sent a shudder through my entire body.

“Tell me—what do you want? Should I shove something in you? Maybe a stick or something?”

Her gaze pierced me with such intensity it nearly stole my breath.

She ground her knee against me in slow, deliberate circles.

That alone unraveled my restraint. I rubbed against her, eyes shut tight, chasing the high.

And it didn’t take long.

My body tensed, peaked, and slumped in release.

When I opened my eyes, Serina was there in the dim light—looking like someone abandoned by the entire world.

“… What the hell are you making me do?”

Her voice rang out, and I wanted to punch my past self right then and there.

I tried to speak, but my throat closed up. I covered my face with both hands and groaned.

I was horrified by how awful my actions were.

I didn’t know how to fix this.

Should I apologize?

But it didn’t feel like that would be enough.

I glanced at Serina and tried to open my mouth to at least say sorry—but she cut me off.

“If you apologize, I’ll get mad.”

“Why…?”

I furrowed my brows, confused.

Clearly, I was the one at fault. I’d used her feelings, acted purely for my own comfort.

“I think… A part of me enjoyed it too. Even though it hurt… It turned me on. Because… You’re just so damn sexy, Saki…”

She covered her mouth with one hand and ran the other slowly down my center, making me gasp again.

Her fingers moved to my chest and began kneading gently.

“Wanna go again?”

“… If that’ll make you feel better.”

I let my shoulders go slack and lay flat on the bed. Once you’ve done it once, what’s the difference?

As I stared off blankly, Serina rolled over and lay down beside me.

“That’s not the point.”

She buried her face against my neck with a nudge. I grunted, half-smothered, and reached up to stroke her head.

Her damp hair reminded me she’d just come out of the bath.

“It’s about what you want, Saki. Do you want to do it, or not?”

“… Not today. I’m tired.”

“… Okay.”

Serina swallowed the words she really wanted to say and gave me that answer.

Her lips were pressed in a tight line, her expression strained.

I was momentarily transfixed.

I kissed the corner of her mouth, and then the edge of her eye where a tear looked ready to fall.

She looked so happy from just that—then slipped off her clothes again and lay completely naked in bed.

“What are you doing?”

“I want to fall asleep while feeling you next to me.”

Her skin was smooth, warm, and comforting as she hugged me tight.

I sighed and wrapped an arm around her slender waist.

Time slipped by, and slowly the borders between us blurred.

My consciousness stretched thin, until it finally snapped.

And the next morning—

We both woke up with colds.